Priceless Political Headlines from the 2018 midterm elections

We’re a pretty polarized nation these days, but I think we can all agree the 2018 midterm elections have produced some pretty funny news headlines. As in, “I couldn’t make this kind of weird shit up if I tried” quality headlines.

Here are some of the election’s absolute gems, in my humble opinion.

gwhetebu4ivnqmnggogtMan who writes bigfoot erotica now a U.S. Congressman.

Let the awesomeness of this one sink in for a minute. It kinda warms your heart, in a “there are 435 seats in the U.S. House so why shouldn’t one of them go to a Bigfoot sex enthusiast?” kind of way. Until you read the article and really slip down the rabbit hole. Not only does Denver Riggleman write bigfoot smut, but he also actively campaigned with a white supremacist. Where will the hijinks end?

JasonLewisGOP congressman who laments not being able to call women sluts loses to woman.

Poor Rep. Jason Lewis. I’m sure it stings to lose to a woman after he so lovingly opined for the days when society could shame women for having sex. “Are we beyond those days where a woman can behave as a slut,” he lamented, “but you can’t call her a slut?”

Sigh. This, after he so compassionately claimed that black people on welfare “substituted one plantation for another.” He didn’t get much backup on that idea, but Rush Limbaugh did speak up on the slut issue, assuring the world that yes, women, especially women’s rights activists, were in fact sluts.

hof-death-notice-primary

“Dead brothel owner wins Nevada legislative seat.”

Yep. That’s right. You can win a seat in the Nevada legislature even if you’re dead. The best part? Local polling places even posted a sign on the door telling voters that pimp Dennis Hof, owner of the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, was dead. He won 62 percent of the vote anyway.

 

slavery

Colorado votes to abolish slavery in second attempt.

Uh…. wait. Didn’t we solve this whole thing back in 1865?

Apparently not. Fifteen other state constitutions still allow slavery as punishment for a crime. The U.S. Constitution does, too.

 

 

Image: Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) Casts His Vote In Midterm ElectionsIn other news, the photobomb of the year award goes to the guy   behind Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell as the two voted in Kentucky yesterday.

 

 

 

snoopAnd, here’s the gem of the day for those of you who have sworn off reading about politics. “Snoop Dog’s Surprisingly Solid Tips for Thanksgiving Dinner.” From, of all places, financial and business newswire service Bloomberg. A must read. Seriously.

 

 

Have you run across any chuckle-worthy or jaw-dropping headlines? If so, post them in the comments below!

 

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