Stuck between an almond and a grape

A weird thing happens when you’re diagnosed with cancer: You start comparing your tumor to fruit. As in, the size of fruit. And nuts. And eggs, and other food products. And if you’re really unlucky and your tumor is big enough, you’ll start thinking in sports terms, like footballs.

I blame the U.S. public education system. All cat scan results are given to you in centimeters, and well, if you’re American, a doctor using the metric system may as well be diagnosing you while speaking Greek. (parakalo). See what I mean? We just don’t understand.

Why am I telling you all of this today? Well, I got good news last Friday: I’m still in the small minority (25 percent) of kidney cancer patients who are “significant responders” to immunotherapy. In August, my tumor was an egg. (For me, egg = death). In November, it was a walnut. Last Friday, it was a grape-almond. As in, smaller than a grape and slightly larger than an almond. So yay. Shrinkage. Another miracle. (See my previous blog post “I’m f&cking still alive. Suck it, cancer!”)

So I leave you with this: The fruit chart guide to tumor size, which you can refer to if you ever have a person in your life who happens to have an uninvited guest growing somewhere inside of them. It’s at the bottom of this page.

I also leave you with this hilarious segment by comedian Wanda Sykes about diagnosing people with fruit. It makes me laugh every time because it’s so true.

So yes. I’m a grape-almond miracle. Maybe I’ll get lucky and be a pea next time.

In other exciting news, I’ll be releasing the third and final book in the Guardians of Salt Creek YA paranormal romance/mystery trilogy in March. And, my books will be available in more bookstores worldwide soon after. (Don’t forget you can stay up-to-date on all the awesomeness around here by clicking the “follow” button on the bottom of this page.)

Until then, have a laugh compliments of Wanda!

tumors

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